Dark Night of the Soul

Have you heard of the Dark Night of the Soul? Have you experienced yours? I was well into my Dark Night of the Soul before I heard the term. I like the sound of the name “Dark Night of the Soul”. It sounds better than “Everything is Falling Apart”. Which is what happens when you enter your Dark Night of the Soul.

When I entered mine, I was going through the most emotionally taxing time I had ever experienced. Let me share with you all that was going on. I had recently been through a divorce and my ex-husband was being very vocal and judgement about my life choices. At one point during this time he and his new girlfriend even tried to have my youngest daughter committed, even though there was no true need. My older daughter was in a very abusive relationship and making very painful choices. She and I were estranged and my heart ached for the loss of this daughter. Due the divorce, I was struggling to pay for a house that was much too large for me. It was this big showy house that was what my ex-husband had wanted but now I was saddled with it. In fact, I had to cash out my 401K to buy him out of it. I could barely make the payments and was living on credit cards. I ended up having to sell the house as a short sale which ruined my credit.  I had made some choices in my work life to put my family and myself first and was rewarded by losing my job and offered a lesser position within the same company. I was exploring spirituality but at this time was a bit spiritual adrift. I was very angry at the idea of a christian god because the of the unchristian things that are done in Jesus’s name. It is ironic isn’t it; they use the name of someone who was all about love and acceptance to spread hate and judgement. Due to my shifting spiritual beliefs; I had lost many of the people whomI thought were my friends, but I was making new ones. I was feeling very alone and there was turmoil in every aspect of my life. I did have a few very good friends who have since become even better friends and I will be forever grateful for their support during those dramatic years. Yes, I said years. This was not a quick process. It was heart breaking and the experiences left me shaken. There were numerous other events that happened in the course of this time period but I think you get the idea.

The Tower card in the Tarot deck is an excellent card to represent the Dark Night of the Soul. When the Tower Card comes up in a reading I tell people that everything must fall apart in order to build it back up on a stronger foundation. This is what really happened during my Dark Night of the Soul. All the past, unnecessary garbage came tumbling down and was washed away. I was able to rebuild on a stable, stronger, more secure, foundation.

I am remarried now to the most amazing, loving, and accepting man. We own 3 homes (one that we rent out), that are perfectly “us” and not showy for the sake of being showy. Both of my daughters are happy, healthy, and living really great productive lives. Our relationships are renewed and the past hurts are healed. My former employer has asked me to come back to work for him a number of times but my new job is so much better than that previous one. I make more, have amazing perks, and way less stress. I live a life of abundance and manage my finances successfully.  I have many very dear, close friends, who are more like family to me. Some who were there for a daily phone call, to listen to me vent, when I was going through my Dark Night. I am assured in and supported by my spirituality. Even if my spirituality is not for everyone it is perfectly me. The Dark Night of the Soul infected my life for 3-4 years. It washed away all the garbage and allowed me to rebuild my life (a life that is true to me) on a stable foundation. Now I can live my life of abundance and dreams coming true.

Even though the Dark Night of the Soul is painful at the time it is happening. Even though you may ask yourself repeatedly, why is this happening to me? I assure you once it is over, you will have the opportunity to live the life of your dreams. One day, the Dark Night of the Soul, will be a memory of a bad time that gave way to a beautiful tomorrow.

 

 

2 Comments

  1. Beautifully said…. I’ve had many pockets of time that were my dark nights, and each time had its enormous weight and suffering but with each one a very strong and clear message, a lesson and a clear soul choice to move in a new direction that was more honoring of my true authentic self. Thank you you are an amazing inspiration!

    Like

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