Have you denied the feminine aspect of yourself? Do you still? I am reading, Eating in the Light of the Moon, by Anita A Johnston. In the book she speaks of the denial and subsequent loss of the divine famine. She talks how woman, instead of worshiping their curvy body instead, try to look like boys. We denied our feelings and worship all things masculine as “good”.
I found this an interesting concept. When i look at those things associated with the feminine I can see where, in recent history, they have been undervalued. Things like being affectionate, receptive, tender, patient, and creative have been pushed aside for traits like strength, logic, confidence, competition, and focus. I was taught as a child that my emotions were bad and that being in charge was good. I learned how to embrace the masculine sides of myself and suppress the feminine. I put my career first and my family second and rose to a managerial job quickly. I was confident and liked being the boss. I did not express or even know how to feel my emotions. I wore pant suites and owned very few dresses. I was focused to make it to the top. All the while, pushing aside my creativity as something that was not valuable. Affection, tenderness, and empathy were all weakness in my mind. I had no idea how I was hurting myself.
It took me half a lifetime to learn how to incorporate the feminine aspects of myself back into my being. As I learned to embrace my intuitive nature, I began to feel emotions. I allowed the creative part of myself to bloom and recognized that it was as valuable as the discipline and focus I held so dear. I learned to build relationships and work cooperatively instead of needing to control everything. I bought a lot more dresses. I embraced my curves as beautiful and stopped trying to diet them away.
We all have feminine and masculine qualities. Do you honor both sides of yourself? Are you both Emperor and Empress? There is a reason that the Empress is first in the Tarot deck. We must first learn to love, feel and nurture so that when we come to a place of power, we can do so with kindness. We can express our passion with radiance and use our sensuality boldly. We can understand that we need to work to live and that we do not live to work. When we look at how others live in this world we can embrace acceptance and have a flexible nature, instead of a rigid belief in what is “right”.